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I must start by saying that I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. Ayla has brought me such joy and I cannot even put into words how much I love her... but this blog posting is about my stress in being a new mom. It really is the hardest job in the world! I understand so much now of what one of my best friends went through when she had her little boy and what every mom goes through in having their first child. I have a husband who helps me so much with housework and running around, he is also an amazing dad but also has so much on his plate already with helping me outside of Ayla... not to mention bringing home the paycheck.
I have decided that I don't think I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. As much as I love to spend time with Ayla, I have learned how much I need my time away to stay happy for her. I'm looking forward to going back to work in April. Since Ayla was a preemie, her pediatrician does not want her going to daycare before she is 3 months because of the RSV virus going around- and one baby in her classroom just had it.
I seriously look at my own mother in a whole new light now. I have came to realize that the stress and anxiety I am having with my daughter will never go away. Now I know how my mom must have felt raising me. I told my mom that I don't care how old I get, I always need her. She has been there to help me through a lot of this. Right now we are battling with Ayla's reflux and colic and once those are better there will be new issues that we will have to get ourselves through.
I look forward to the day that I am a little less paranoid (which I think I'm getting better.) So many doctors have asked me, "Do you have post-pardum?" and I would say no no no over and over. Finally Ayla's pediatrician sat me down and not only lectured me about not trusting anyone with her, but told me I have the classic post-pardum symptoms. It has since clicked- and yes... I do. I didn't even know, I just thought I was overwhelmed a little since her colic had started. My advice to any new mother- take the baby-sitting offers even it is or 2 hours to go to Target or the mall! You feel so much better coming home. I'm so sick of my couch right now!
Thanks to Grandma Mary, I get my Tuesdays and Thursdays to catch up on chores and do running around while she watches Ayla. She will be watching her on those days when I go back to work so she is getting practice in which gives me some "me" time.
But really, aside from the stress and anxiety, this has been awesome. There is nothing like having my baby girl. She's the most adorable, most amazing little thing. I never knew you could love something so much!
